Saturday, November 03, 2007

The Times When I Regret Not Getting Around To Having Kids

Most of the time, in the past several years, I’ve been relieved that I don’t have children depending on me to get up early to take care of them, to pay for their new clothes, to worry about them when they’re sick, to make them cry by telling them that there’s no way in the world that I’m ever going to let them watch that whiny brat, Caillou, on PBS.  However, there are times when I’d like to turn back the clock (well, besides those other times when I’d like to turn back the clock) and do things a little differently, and add a couple of kids to the mix.  I’ve had several people ask me if I was going to have kids, and even expecting me to, knowing that Leigh-Ann and I would be good parents.  So, the times I really miss not having kids of my own?  Halloween, birthdays, Hanukkahmas, end of summer bbqs, watching little kids play sports (oooh, I would love to have my own little #7, but I did get the next best thing, my nephew choosing my number, which I thought was so sweet), reading together, and stuff like this from Nancy’s Anthony, “He woke me up at 4:00 a.m. to tell me “I think my turtle is mad at me because when I looked at his face, his face looked different, but when I turned him around he looked the same.” The turtle is a stuffed animal.

Maybe when we’re settled and not financially tippy, we should foster.  That way, we help a kid (or some kids) and we help us too.  Although, I would like Leigh-Ann to be closer to her nieces & nephew, since I was able to be around for the early years of my nieces & nephews.  It’s not fair that she’s missing their silly games, their hugs & slobbery kisses, and the fun of being an in-person aunt.  Fostering kittens is great, but they grow up way too quickly, and they never want to sit down and color with us.

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1. I know what you mean - sometimes, I regret not having children, or adopting or fostering.  Fostering is still do-able.  But then I also remember the utter relief I’ve felt when my nephews have gone _home_.  I think I might snap if I had to parent 24/7.  And it’s not like you can take a kid back to the hospital when things aren’t going well and say:  “Here, I made a mistake.  You can have him/her back now.”    My most rewarding parenting experience so far has been being a Big Sister.  Your post is reminding me how much fun that was…hmmm.

   pajamadeen  on  11/03  at  06:01 AM

2. I think nieces and nephews are definitely the next best thing.  I have a lot of regrets that I didn’t make more efforts with the ones I got from Mark - I always felt shy around little kids, and inept at entertaining them, especially in the presence of my SIL, the ultimate mother and kid-person.  But it was my loss.  If I could turn back the clock, I would have insisted on more visits with his family and gotten down on the floor with those kids every time.  They’ve grown up into wonderful young adults, but I only have a real relationship with one of them.  As you know, I value that relationship a lot.

   Nancy  on  11/04  at  09:36 AM

3. I deeply regret not having kids. I look back and think of what a selfish person I was for not wanting any. then after 2 miscarriages I felt I was being punished for not wanting them prior—then get really mad at God cause crack addits have babys. I look back on my life and I have left nothing behind to say” hey look what I’ve done” [unless you want to talk about some really big mistakes]. I get real sad around kids now. Knowing I am missing some really good stuff. my neices live far away and my heart aches for them.i really regret… i get sooo sad from it.

   kelly  on  11/23  at  03:17 PM

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