Flippy - I Rant, You Read
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Oh No, I’m Ten Days Late
I’ve been doing everything in my power to not get pregnant (overwhelming fatigue, extra layer of cellulite, not bathing every day, over 40, lesbianism…especially the last one) and I’ve never been this late in all of my menstruating years - I’m generally a 28 day-er. Ugh, I’ve had PMS for like three weeks. When will I have to count the weight gain as weight gain, instead of chalking it up to PMS water retention? Is there some sort of cut-off point if I never get my period again? While I’m worried in a puzzled sort of way, I would be perfectly happy to never have another period. What a total waste of money, pain, and time it’s been lo these past 31 years. That’s approximately 372 periods. That’s probably close to $2000 wasted. A whole lot more if you include Advil and the occasional Therma-Care (get the ones for your back, they last a lot longer) in with the “feminine products.” I so resent that part of being female. The women who thinks it’s a joyous part of being a woman and celebrate it every month are just plain crazy, or theirs lasts a single day and doesn’t include cramps or water retention. Anyway, I just thought you’d be interested in this fascinating information - especially my father. I kid. But I wanted to post something and I’m too tired to do a post where I have to think.
I’ll let you know when the Christ child is born. Again. He’ll be Jewish, just like his birth mother, but we’ll raise him as a Pastafarian. He will marry Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and together they will save the world. And like have super cute babies.
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I have a notoriously irregular cycle. I vary from 30 to 90 days, and I loves it for that. More stress and it’s longer- you’ve had a lot of stress and that may affect it too.
As for my own lack of pregnancy…. I volunteered at the humane society for a year. I came home with 6 cats, 2 dogs, and a sweetheart- all of which had their shots and been fixed. I am a responsible pet owner.
And yes, I held his hand as he got his rabies shots. Any argument I’ve ever heard against gay marriage invalidates my own.
Georg on 03/11 at 09:04 AM -
You are funny as hell! I hope you figure out what is going on.
Kristine on 03/11 at 08:19 PM -
Well, that sounds familiar! I had a 3-month hiatus, which was freaking me out, and since then, I had another episode of being a couple of weeks late. Maybe it’s just a normal part of the “peri-menopausal” phase. Helly recommended vitamin C, but I wasn’t disciplined enough to take it every day.
Nancy on 03/12 at 07:41 AM -
Very exciting! Let me know when I should start knitting little hats!
roro on 03/12 at 02:21 PM -
I totally support your Pastafarianism. I have the logo for my car and a t-shirt to prove it. “I have been touched by his noodly appendage.”
laurie on 03/12 at 09:04 PM -
Also, life without periods is the best thing about chemotherapy. Don’t miss that at all.
laurie on 03/12 at 09:05 PM -
Laurie - it sounds like you’re proof that there are atheists in foxholes. Because if you don’t believe now, you never will. I think that if was you, it would just assure me that I was right to never believe in the first place. Good people deserve good things, not cancer.
Roro - My baby will get a Roro original? Whoo hoo!
Nancy - hmmm, three months is a long time. Did you feel like you had PMS the whole 3 months, like I’ve felt the past three weeks? Because that would suck. I’m puffy, cranky, and craving chocolate ‘n crap.
Kristine - Ah, if only hell was this funny (well, allegedly funny), it would be more popular as a final destination request, no?
Georg - 30 to 90 days? I would hate the inconsistency of that. I’ve always liked knowing that if I got it on the 5th of one month, I could usually look for it on the 3rd of the next. I think my lack of pregnancy was because I never felt that I was settled enough to add a baby to my life, and when it requires great effort to have a baby, it’s easy to avoid one. The only boy I ever liked who I thought would be a good father was my sixth grade boyfriend, and he was only 11 the last time I saw him. He now has a baby that’s around 18 months old. It’s probably for the best, as I’m too tired to run after a little kid…and eleven was a bit young for having babies.
Flippy on 03/13 at 05:47 AM -
Hmm. I vote for stress. Not that I want you to be stressed, but that stuff sure does mess up my system.
Or… it is part of the crazy Daylight Savings Conspiracy.
Kari on 03/13 at 11:30 AM -
What?? You mean lesbianism keeps unwanted pregnancy at bay? No one told me that! How come there’s not a pamphlet on that?
Hehehe - your post had me rolling - too cute!
Although I hear you on the damned curse - I ‘celebrate’ it by stocking up on wine! Ha! Lucky you if it’s gone forever, but my guess would be the stress and illness too.
Kai on 03/15 at 03:30 AM
