Flippy - I Rant, You Read
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
I Have A Vacancy For A New Rich Celebrity Friend - Apply Now!
Pearls Before Swine - 10/24/06
I was recently informed that I, at the age of 42, choose my friends based on “wealth” and “celebrity”. I’m clearly unable to choose friends based on common interests, views or the mere fact that they introduced me to fantasy football. It would solely be based on the fact that they have money. I’m just that shallow. Anyway, now that Leanne has turned out to be someone other than, well, Leanne, I have an opening for a rich friend. Let me be clear that you will never be required to spend any money on me, because my last celebrity did not. I almost got a (used) book once, but alas, it was one that I already had. What I need from you, my new celebrity friend, is to fill my head with glamour. The last celebrity was kind of a disappointment because my head was filled with politics, tv, sports, and religious opinion. Not airy enough. Not glamourous enough. I was contacted by Tricia Kean, a local celebrity (i.e., news anchor) due to the unfortunate fact that when I wrote about her breasts, I became the number one search result in Google for her name. Er, oops. I’d like to let you know, although Tricia was super nice (no, really, a great sport!), we didn’t form a lasting friendship. A couple of emails back and forth, a few laughs, the hope that if any of her friends contacted me that I’d send them in the right direction (to her email address), and our correspondence was over. Mostly because, well, she’s kind of busy, and I didn’t even know if she liked “Buffy” and “Veronica Mars”, which is kind of how I pick my friends these days. Well, that and their bank account. Anyway, I thought Tricia was great (although, I selfishly admit that I prefer her as a brunette), but we weren’t destined to be BFF.
I’ve recently become enamoured with a fake Stephen King, but I’m not sure that a fake writer is enough for me. I need GLITZ, not some dude who writes well and wears jeans. Sure, he probably “knows” lots of other wealthy people who are glamourous, but that’s not enough. Then again, the real Stephen King and the real Joss Whedon are both “Veronica Mars” fans. So, never mind, “Stephen King” is in! Just to cover all my bases, applications are still being accepted.
Next entry: A Fun Surprise At My Front Door This Morning Previous entry: Canadian Politics - Again
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What a conundrum! I’m not rich or glamourous to qualify as your friend, yet it was your shallowness and fixation with money which attracted me in the first place.
In any event, I know your friendship can be bought for the price of a Pepsi and a nacho cheese pretzel.
Helly on 10/25 at 03:13 AM -
I was putty in your hands at The Chocolate Swan, before we even made it to the game.
Oh, and your spelling of “tyre” makes you pretentious enough to be one of my bestest friends.
An aside, someone found my blog today for the search “Helly 2 game” - what do you think that means?
on 10/25 at 09:59 AM -
Oh, Flippy, I wuv you.
And just wait, on the pretentious front - soon, I shall begin using “serviette” instead of the word “napkin”. Even for PAPER ones!
As far as the search, well, what can I say? The original Helly game was such a huge success, making me dirty rotten filthy STINKING rich, that everyone, simply EVERYONE has been clamouring for Helly 2.
Helly on 10/25 at 01:59 PM -
Hrrrmmm, some Canadians I know, I won’t mention any names (but I live with her), have used the word “serviette” not once, not twice, not three times. Okay, maybe three times. You know, until I said, “WTF?” Because, I don’t know some of these funny foreign terms. We still have issues with rubber band (elastic band) and scone (scawn - pronunciation, not spelling). Speaking of which, funny parody by Weird Al of Green Day’s “American Idiot”, called, yes, “Canadian Idiot” that I saw at Expat Chick’s blog yesterday. http://canadianexpatriatesblog.blogspot.com/2006/10/canadian-idiot_12.html
on 10/25 at 02:06 PM
