Friday, July 01, 2005

evening

Idiot of the Day - The Dumbing Down of America

Let’s start off with Prickly City, a right-wing comic in our paper that I’ve never found funny or even relevant.  All of his material is taken from like ten years ago.  But the topper, today’s comic.  See if you can spot the blatant stupidity that was so simplistic in nature that I don’t even know how it got published.

See if you can spot the grotesque spelling error, the lack of imagination and the oddly large lips on the black character in the strip.  If Scott Stantis can’t even spell optimist, then he doesn’t belong in a major newspaper.  Bring back the silliness and enjoyable Franklin Fibbs.

Next on my stupidity hit list - nightly I receive an email from a realtor in my area regarding homes for sale.  Last night I got one for a house on Russling Leaf Drive.  While I’m sure it’s a lovely house and I wish the owners good luck in selling, I’m damned sure I’m not going to be buying a house on a misspelled street.  What has happened to the city in allowing names like this?  Another one nearby, Eifel, off of Ann Road and US-95.  How can anyone stand to live on it…or even see it every day?  I have to avert my eyes.  The street names in this city are becoming more and more,well, unlivable.  What manly guy wants to live on Panda Bear?  Or, who wants to live on Gnatcatcher?  At first I didn’t like my street name, but looking around, I now feel grateful.  It’s spelled properly and often I don’t have to spell it for anyone.  Say it slowly, yes, but not spell it.  I consider that a great success.

Maybe next week we’ll take a few drives around the neighborhood and take pictures, so you too can enjoy the horror of Las Vegas street names.  If they’re not pretending to be in California on the beach, they’re picking names that people are ashamed to say.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

the wee hours

Idiot of the Day - Mr. Jaws with Paws Enforcing Laws

I looked up his license plate frame, “Jaws with paws, enforcing laws”, but I couldn’t even find a website about it.  I found a crappy useless webring, but nothing with any real information.  I’m assuming it’s training for canine officers, but I can’t be positive.  Anyway, Mr. Black Corvette (I’m debating about posting his personalized plate, but maybe won’t, as I don’t want to get the vet’s office in trouble, because his nasty behavior isn’t their fault) was at the office to pick up his elderly German Shepherd (or some type of shepherd).  Just standing there, in the super crowded office, he already seem icky and impatient.  I think his dog must’ve been boarded, but I don’t know for how long.  When he got the dog, he yanked the lame (in the elderly sort of way) dog up by the collar.  The dog obviously needed tender loving care to leave the office, but to his/her credit s/he was walking slowly and doing okay.  Apparently when the dog got outside and stepped down the curb, it had trouble getting up.  Instead of being a prepared pet owner of a large elderly dog and buying a harness to help his dog ‘s hind end get up and assist him/her in walking, he tried to yank her from his/her collar.  As we all know, yanking our neck isn’t going to help us walk, especially if we weigh over 90lbs.

So, Mr. Wihiny Black Corvette proceeded to come back into the vet’s office to exclaim, “WhenI brought my dog in, s/he could walk.”  So, did he seriously think the vet’s office (who has someone spend every night there) did something to make it so his really elderly dog not be able to walk?  They’re one of the most conscientious vet’s office we’ve ever encountered.  The front desk staff is always polite and competent, the vet techs always know what they’re doing and our vet is really great.  She’s very open-minded to whatever we need to try for our freaky pets, from shots to help our Oranda, Bob, to various medications to attempt to help our German Shepherd deal with the fear of fireworks and thunderstorms.  She’s also done several successful surgeries on our pets, so we trust her.  Anyway, there is NO way that the vet’s office could possibly be responsible for his dog having trouble walking.  In fact, we remember seeing him during a prior visit, yanking his poor old dog into yet a different sports car.  He wasn’t at all gentle, and I have so much trouble believing he was ever a Canine Officer, as he doesn’t really seem to care about his dog.  I wonder if the police department pays for the dog’s care.

The end result of his snottiness was that he carried his dog back into the vet’s office.  I’m sure it was to yell at them for his elderly dog’s inability to walk down the curb outside.  I don’t know how he expected to get his big dog into his Corvette—his black Corvette (I have no qualms about him being recognized for his bad behavior, as it’s not the first time we’ve seen it from him).  I’m not sure if I’m hoping the dog was put to sleep to ease the misery of living with this man or if they were able to convince him that he needed a harness to help his dog walk.  I’m not sure I want to know.

The bonus of the trip was that everyone else in the waiting room (and there were LOTS of people - it was nuts) was very patient and nice.  We also saw the most beautiful six month old Mastiff.  What a cool looking dog, but he was already huge.  He had a super sweet face though.  And his owner already had a ramp to help him get into his car.  He’s obviously going to be a caring owner for the rest of that dog’s life.  It was nice.

Okay, I’m posting the license plate number of the guy - he was a jerk on two separate occasions at the vet’s office, due to absolutely no fault of the offiice.  It horrifies me to think that he might be a K-9 officer with LVMPD.  Anyway, if you see a black Corvette with the NV plate Linc II, steer clear.  Seems like he could be a road rage guy.

To sum this up with nice things - the vet’s office is always a happy place for us, even though it costs us a fortune with all of our pet tests and surgeries.  It feels like a home away from home and Dr. Gorman should be very happy with her staff.  They’re always polite to us, even when they’re swamped.  Oh, and welcome back Julie and Terri.  It’s nice to see old employees return.  That must say something for the working environment there.

Friday, June 17, 2005

late evening

Idiot of the Day - Carl Everett

Oh, it’s been so long since I had an idiot of the day.  So many idiots, so little time.  How does one choose?  Bill Frist is a perennial favorite, as is George Bush.  Jeb Bush is moving up rapidly on the list, as is Bill Clinton, of all people.  I don’t know, maybe during his heart surgery they replaced his heart with a Republican heart.  But no, today’s idiot is Chicago White Sox DH, Carl Everett.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from his new Maxim interview.  Maxim, yes, that’s the magazine in which a good fundie should be featured.  Anyway, the quote:  “Gays being gay is wrong. Two women can’t produce a baby, two men can’t produce a baby, so it’s not how it’s supposed to be. ... I don’t believe in gay marriages. I don’t believe in being gay.”  Gee, so infertile couples, mustn’t believe in them.  Seniors, can’t be making babies, they shouldn’t exist either.  It’s just wrong, dammit, wrong.  Although, five years ago, Carl Everett, thinker extraordinaire also said that he didn’t believe in dinosaurs…because he’d never seen one and they weren’t in the bible.  Also, Carl apparently plays baseball for “his Lord” - that’s so much better than, say, becoming a doctor for “his Lord” and saving lives and stuff, huh?

Hey Carl, hit one out for Jesus, okay?

Thursday, May 26, 2005

the wee hours

Idiot of the Day - Tom Cruise

First, for his idiotic “fool in love” behavior on Oprah.  I don’t know who’s buying it, but from checking out the web, not many people.  Also, Tom-baby, when you’re wooing a virgin, what’s the point of rose petals all over the room?  Either she isn’t a virgin or you’re wanting more from her than she’s ready to give.  But enough about the silliness of you blathering on about a three week old relationship with a child.  Your most heinous crime of the week—bashing Brooke Shields for taking Paxil for her Postpartum Depression and telling her she should have taken “vitamins”.  Yes, Dr. Cruise, she wanted to kill herself, but Flintstones vitamins would’ve come to the rescue, I’m sure.  Until you give birth and have your hormones raging, or heck, even get a medical degree, then keep your phony toothy mouth shut.  You know what, even if you do manage to give birth somehow and go to med school, still go away.  We’ve all had enough of your phoniness to last a lifetime.  Hey, you know what, maybe if you take enough vitamins, you’ll be cured of your utterly repulsive behavior.  Try ‘em.  Send email to let us know if they work.  Hey, maybe the vitamins will work for the rent boys you keep suing too.  Vitamins are magical.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

evening

Idiot of the Day - Me or Tropicana?

We were shopping at Von’s yesterday and saw a new product - Tropicana Sugar-Free OrangeAde.  If you know me well, you’ll know that I’m a sucker for new products.  If it’s not beer or diapers, then I’ll probably notice it when something new is added to the shelves at our local grocery store.  What can I say, I’m the ultimate consumer.  Plus, I get bored with the same ol’ same ol’.  So, back to the “OrangeAde”.  It tastes fine, much like Tang, but a little more flavorful.  What galls me though…the big ol’ claim of “real fruit juice”.  Seriously, it’s 1%.  ONE PERCENT.  My saliva probably has more fruit juice in it after today’s trip to Smoothie King, where I got my delicious Blueberry Heaven smoothie.

Clearly, I’m never going to be the head of the FDA, but if I was, ONE PERCENT fruit juice would not count as being made from “real fruit juice”.  I think for anything to count as “real fruit juice”, it ought to have at least 51% fruit juice.

I should really make another entry for stuff that I like, but what the heck, I’ll be audacious and put this into two categories.  If my blog was a beverage, it would still count as me writing about “real fruit juice”, as the entry will be more than 1% about Tropicana OrangeAde.  Anyway, as I was saying…here’s some new stuff I like:  the new bottled Starbucks Mint Mocha Frappuccino.  Apparently it’s a limited offering for summer.  Since it’s bottled, surely we should be able to have it year ‘round.  After all, we take our groceries home, right?  Are we only allowed to have ice-cream in the summer too?  Well, I was bold, it’s still spring here and I got Ben & Jerry’s Marsha Marsha Marshmallow (Chocolate Ice Cream with Fudge Chunks & Toasted Marshmallow & Graham Cracker Swirls) - for one, what a great name; for another, yum!  You’re going to get tired of this, but yet another tasty Starbucks creation - frappuccinos (the in-store kind, not the bottled ones) made affogato style, which means they make the frappuccino, then drizzle either chocolate or caramel over it, then add an espresso shot.  I highly recommend a tall (the larger sizes don’t have the intense flavor of the smaller ones) caramel mocha frappuccino with caramel.