Friday, November 17, 2006

evening

Idiots of the Day - Inhofe, Cafferty, and Simpson

First, James Inhofe (R-OK) In an interview with Fox and Friends this morning, outgoing Chairman of the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works James Inhofe (R-OK) argued that the current wave of unprecedented warming is due to “natural changes.” “God’s still up there,” Inhofe said, and to the extent there is warming going on, it is “due to the sun.”
So, uh, if God’s up there, why did he allow global warming to even start?  Huh?  Huh?  Answer me that, Mr. Smartie Religious Nut.

Jack Cafferty of CNN on the (mostly recently) kidnapped soldiers in Iraq:  Well on the point that Michael Ware was making. That the people who are fomenting this kind of activity over there aren’t stupid. They understand with the results of the U.S. midterm elections that there are a lot of unanswered questions in this country about what happens next. And they are going to use that opportunity to make hay while the sun shines if you pardon a kind of poor play on words. But our uncertainty and lack of direction at this moment simply creates another opportunity for the bad guys and they are taking full advantage of it.
Yeah, because before the elections, everything was going swimmingly over there.  No one was ever kidnapped/killed before November 7th, right?  Where should we start?  A list of journalists?  Iraqi academics?  British soldiers?  Random foreigners?  How about American troops?  Yup, Jack, no killin’ & kidnappin’ going on before the Democrats were elected.  Nope, just peace, love, and puppies.

O.J. Simpson - really, is there anything more to say than, “This man is a murdering pig”?  Naw, I didn’t think so. 

Friday, November 10, 2006

evening

Idiot of the Day - John McCain (From Hero to Zero)

John McCain is testing the waters for another presidential run.  Tell me you’re surprised.  Then, tell me why anyone should ever vote for him?  He rips on Bush, then kisses his ass, then rips on him, then kisses his ass.  He flip-flops more than I do when I have too many drink choices at Starbucks and can’t decide which one to choose, only I’m choosing a drink and he’s trying to decide international policy.  How anyone could withstand years of torture as a P.O.W., then be a coward when standing up to the Bush Administration, I’ll never know.  What I do know is, neither Republicans nor Democrats can trust him now.  Leigh-Ann and I were discussing who we’d like to see run in 2008, other than Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (or Oprah & Gayle) - we’ve decided on Al Gore and John Edwards.  Al Gore no longer needs to win, so he can loosen up, be himself and help us save the world.  John Edwards has a Southern accent and is kind of schoolboy charming, if you like that sort of thing.  It doesn’t do that much for me, but I like him okay enough.  I like his wife better, but she isn’t a choice.  I definitely do not like Hillary Clinton (too much sucking up to Republicans), although I do like the idea of a woman president.  Perhaps Geena Davis - she made awesome strong decisions on “Commander in Chief”, decisions you would like your president to make.  Sure, the lines were written for her, but most of Bush’s lines are written for him too, but Rod Lurie makes a better speechwriter than whoever is writing for Bush.

Friday, November 03, 2006

late evening

Idiot of the Day - Reverend Ted Haggard

The Rev. Ted Haggard admitted Friday he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a male prostitute. But the influential Christian evangelist insisted he threw the drugs away and never had sex with the man.

Firstly, he’s an idiot for buying meth.  Secondly, he’s an idiot for buying meth and throwing it away.  I have this lovely bridge I’d like to sell him too.  Thirdly, he’s an idiot for going back to buy meth a second time, because that first meth he threw away (bwahaha) was so addictive.  Fourthly, he’s an idiot for thinking that anyone will believe any more of these “family values” people who say they’re not having teh h0m0 sex when their brethren aren’t watching.  What does this insidious self-loathing caused by religion and/or right-wing politics do to these people?  They’d rather preach, vote, scream, or write against same sex marriage, yet their own lives spiral out of control because they’re so afraid. 

Hey, come out of the closet, it’s fine out here.  Today, my girlfriend and I went to a minor league hockey game, sat amongst families with young children, and no one turned to stone anywhere near us.  Well, the Wranglers played the first two periods like they were made of stone, but that’s another story.  Then, afterwards, on the way home, we stopped at Von’s grocery store.  We bought a few items (one of them will be its very own blog entry, it’s just that special - I think I may have written about it before, but now, I have photographic evidence), and the checker, whom we haven’t seen in months told us how much she’d missed us.  It happens all the time.  You don’t have to be religious, you don’t have to spout faux family values, you just have to live them...and be nice to people.  We’re always together, so I assume everyone knows we’re a couple, yet still, people go out of their way to tell us that they’ve missed us.  Strangers.  Just people we see around town at Starbucks or the grocery store.  Perhaps we need to give some family values lessons to Rev. Ted, Jim Gibbons, Mark Foley, Newt Gingrich (really, is there anything lower than serving your wife with divorce papers while she’s in the hospital and just had cancer surgery?), et al.  Oh, and I do mean I could go on and on.

So, the moral of our story is:  if you’re going to buy illegal drugs (which, in and of itself, is illegal), just use them and enjoy them.  I don’t recommend meth though, not that I’ve tried it, but have you seen these pictures of people on meth?.  Ick.  Our second moral (yay!  tonight we get two because I’m feelin’ all preachy) is:  if you’re going to have gay sex, and pay for it, just get your butt (heh) out of the closet and be gay.  Then, the sex is free, and even better, GUILT-free.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

early afternoon

Idiot of the Day - Jeffrey Lundgren, Mass Murderer, Fat Guy

Oh, boo hoo, poor fat Jeffrey says he’s too obese to die by lethal injection.  He killed “Dennis and Cheryl Avery, and their three daughters, ages 7 to 13, on April 17, 1989” - they were part of his wacky religious cult and apparently they just weren’t devout enough for him, so he shot them all to death.

Moreover, Lundgren’s lawyer claims that he suffers from medical conditions that would interfere with the effectiveness of the lethal cocktail and exacerbate his suffering. I’m sorry, why is it that I care whether or not he suffers a little extra?  This isn’t one of those cases where there’s any doubt he’s guilty.  Hey, I know, how about we use his obesity in his favor and let him die by hanging.  His weight will be a big bonus and assure him of a quicker death.  Although, if I had my druthers, he’d be tortured.  Maybe a little Bush Administration approved interrogation technique gone awry.  Anyway, why waste time with this case?  Someone pull out a gun, pop him in one in the head, then we won’t have to worry about the poor poor suffering he might endure with his lethal injection.

Yes, I admit it, I’m one of those weird liberals who is in favor of the death penalty.  I’m not always in favor of it, I know that mistakes have been made, and I believe that some people with death sentences should be allowed to live; for instance, Karla Faye Tucker and Tookie Williams, but apparently no one ever follows “Flippy’s Common Sense Rules for the Death Penalty”.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

late at night

Idiot of the Day - Anna Nicole’s Mother

I suppose I probably don’t need to preface this by saying Anna Nicole and her mother are estranged, but I will.  But seriously, the woman thinks someone murdered Daniel, with methadone, Zoloft, and Lexapro?  Surely there’s a more effective killer drug out there.  Ask Chaz Higgs - now that’s how you kill someone.  Of course, unlike Chaz, you probably don’t want to tell a co-worker exactly how you would kill someone and get away with it...the day before you, uh, kill someone.

Naturally, Nancy Grace just had to interview this train wreck.  Hey, you know, Nancy Grace should’ve been my idiot of the day.  She’s an incredibly scary woman.  But oh what a great interview she got out of Anna Nicole’s mom.  I hope the appearance fee was huge for this kind of insight, “That’s true. There was only three people in that room. Danny was one of them . . . I just know Danny didn’t kill hisself. He did not overdose hisself . . . Danny wouldn’t take drugs to begin with. I don’t believe that for a minute. You could not convince me of that.”