Thursday, November 11, 2010

evening

This is not a hoax!

This is a heads-up to those friends who haven’t experienced it yet ... ... and an explanation to those friends and family who have: Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It’s happening every day. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else’s thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years?  Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?  I spent the entire summer looking! for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than my original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion. It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair, and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary.  My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning.  In despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next?  My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That’s why I decided to tell my story. I can’t take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee.  That really isn’t plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don’t you?  The next time you suspect someone has had a face “lifted,” look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs… and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them! This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS. P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept.  Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

-swiped from a zillion places…but, completely true, of course.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

terribly early in the morning

WTH?  It’s 27 degrees here!

The overnight low at our house is lower than it is at Leigh-Ann’s sister’s in Ottawa.  C’mon, that’s ridiculous, it’s only the first week of November.  Not only that, the low temperature at our house is always 5-10 degrees lower than the “official” Pahrump temperature/forecasts.  Do we live in some weird special weather vortex here?  When our neighbors were comparing the weather here to NJ, where they moved from, I kind of thought they were crazy.  Now, I see their point.  Our dogs are shivering and Dante’s teeth were chattering last night.  We couldn’t figure out what the noise was, we thought he had gas or something at first, until we realized it was his teeth.  Dante is now spending his nights inside, and he isn’t complaining, like he usually does.  Poor old dude.

Monday, November 08, 2010

the wee hours

Stats!

You people sure like your train wrecks (hmm, one word or two?) doncha?  My stats have soared since, well, since very very recently.  Hmmmm.  Although, there is one thing I can’t figure out, what’s with all the traffic from Ireland?  I only have one Irish friend, and unless she’s going from city to city, stopping in to see my blog in every city in the country, I can’t figure out where the Irish are coming from.  Anyone have any ideas?  One of my biggest keywords is still Mariana Bichette (why???), for a couple of entries years ago, when her son was playing in the Little League World Series.  Maybe I should look him up, perhaps he’s graduating from high school now and is some super amazing baseball player wanted by every college/pro team in existence.  I’m off to check it out.  But, other than the Irish (from IREland, not some screen name) and the Bichette traffic, everyone else seems present and accounted for - links from my Facebook account, type-ins of flippyodegard (hey, just put the dot com in and you don’t need a search engine, ya know), bookmarks, links on blogs, etc.

Update:  Aha, I now know why I have all the Mariana Bichette traffic.  I’m both #1 and #2 for her name and #1 in Google Images because of the screencap from the LLWS.  Also, Dante Bichette, Jr.is still a really good ballplayer and was in the national high school home run hitting contest.  So, who knows, maybe he’ll be a major leaguer like his dad.  Oh, as for the traffic from Ireland, Leigh-Ann thinks it’s just maybe a new batch of spammers.  They rotate countries, so why not Ireland?

Saturday, November 06, 2010

late afternoon

I really don’t think I’m gonna finish this month

I mostly don’t think that I’m gonna make it because I really don’t give a crap.  I feel like someone beat the hell out of me, and if that wasn’t enough, they gave me bad food on top of it.  Pain is a terrific dieting tool though, no doubt about it.  Maybe I shouldn’t have assumed that a certain doctor would care.  Duh.  Well, now that I am free and clear of my pain meds, my medication detractors can rejoice.  Hallelujah, their “work” is done.  The only problem is that now I feel EXACTLY the same, only with more pain and less appetite.  So, I guess getting off my meds wasn’t the magic bullet to rip roarin’ health.  I mean, *I* knew that, but maybe they can know that now, too.  I was NEVER over-medicated.  So, you people who think you helped me years ago when you were harping on what my board certified pain mgt doctor was prescribing?  Bite me.

Please excuse any errors in this entry, it was written on my iPod.

Friday, November 05, 2010

late evening

NaBloPoMo - Again

I’ve had some weird server problems and my dates and times have been all out of whack.  When we changed servers, I guess our blogs reset to some weird island somewhere.  Somewhere not in our time zone.

Look, pretty kitty baby!  This is Abby Cadabby as a kitten, although she isn’t much bigger now.  A life well worth saving.  Remember, if you have bottle babies and they’re crying and crying and crying when you give them regular formula, try goat’s milk.  It fixed Abby Cadabby right up.  She’s still a wee thing, but a happy wee thing.