Flippy - I Rant, You Read

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

the wee hours

Hey, You Know What’s Funny?

You know how I was all pissed off about being told to take a drug vacation?  Well, I’m still pissed off about it because it came from a “drugs are scary” thought process, not the thought that they just aren’t working very well for me right now.  I think Methadone has screwed up my pain receptors and for now, there’s pretty much nothing that will give me adequate pain relief.  Not my MS Contin, not 30mg of Oxycodone, and not 40mg of OxyContin.  The only thing that’s really worked for my chronic pain in the last couple of months has been the Methadone.  So, what to do with that knowledge?  I know that I can’t just keeping upping my dosages because it’s also upping my tolerance, and frankly, not helping take away the pain anyway.  That so totally sucks.  I never thought I’d be in this position, where pain meds didn’t work on me.  Okay, yeah, 80mg of OxyContin would still probably work, but I’m not going there.  Anyway, what I was getting at when I started this entry was that I’m still pissed off about the “drug vacation” folks, but I think I’m going to try to wean off all of my opioids for a while, at least until I’m sure the Methadone has completely left my body.  I’m thinking of trying to wean off everything - okay, everything means long-acting pain med & short-acting breakthrough med, so it’s not like it really qualifies as “everything” in general terms.  I think on my next visit to the doctor, I want to get back on Lyrica, and Lyrica only.

I say that I want to wean, but right now just sitting here, I’m fidgety with pain.  My elbows are aching, my legs are aching, my wrists are aching, there’s a weird numbish area on my back (I should probably get another MRI, just to see what’s going on in there), and my left knee went out when I was walking up the stairs earlier.  My body is screaming out for something to put out the pain brush fires.  I need to remind myself that those pain meds probably won’t work right now, so there’s no use using them.  My tolerance level is too high, although not abnormally high.  Perhaps with Lyrica and medical marijuana, I can keep up with it.  Alas, I haven’t even gotten the medical marijuana paperwork sent in, so it’s going to be a long time before I can use it.  At least I know that with pot, my tolerance level isn’t going to render the medication useless.

Blech, I’m tired of these posts.  Maybe I should just go to bed.  Typing hurts.

I wrote this blog entry last night, and decided to keep it hidden.  I don’t know, I guess I’m tired of always complaining.  But, that’s what my whole life feels like right now, so I’m just going to write about it.  I did go to bed after I wrote this…and stayed in bed for 15 hours, most of those, fast asleep.  I still want to be in bed, asleep, but the pets need to be fed.  I wonder how long I’d stay in bed if we didn’t have any pets.  A whole day?  Two?  Three?  It’s kind of frightening to contemplate.  This is no way to pay a mortgage, I know that.  I have been working every day, and over the weekend, a lot of what now appear to be useless hours, on an ex-co-workers’s accounts.  I sent 30+ emails out…and heard back from 3 people.  Ugh.