Saturday, April 07, 2007

the wee hours

Stupid Effin’ Software Signed Me Out!!!!

I’d written a whole big long entry about being exhausted and having slept 14-16 hours a day for the last week and how I haven’t gotten anything done and how my prescription coverage is exhausted for the year and how my meds will now cost $600 a month and how I got my medical marijuana packet in the mail today and how I found the PERFECT massage chair that does arm massage, which is the one thing I’ve been looking for for years and I’m dying to have it, but it costs $5700, but if medical marijuana worked for me, I could save probably $5000 a year and be able to buy the chair with that money.  The post was full of specifics and links and crap and when I went to post it, I was logged out and it was GONE.  crap.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

terribly early in the morning

Tie Domi is Making Me Sad

He acted like a huge bully when he tried to force his wife into accepting a divorce settlement without consulting an attorney.  That blew up in his face when she came out swinging with an attorney who is probably tougher than Tie.  Every time he tried to pull something, they fired back with more crappy things that he’d done.  Then, a few days ago he acted like a huge jerk at his son’s hockey game, cussing out the coach after the game.  And now, he’s threatening to sue the coach for damaging his reputation.  Holy crap, Tie, just keep your damned mouth shut and get some anger management.  You’re damaging your own reputation.  In less than six months you’ve gone from being my favorite player and someone whose name I would’ve happily worn on the back of my Leafs jersey (which I luckily never had enough money to buy...although, I do have a Domi Leafs t-shirt) to the schoolyard bully who I’m embarrassed to say that I liked, even before I met your impersonator.  You know what, let your impersonator take over.  Honestly, even though he was a jerk for impersonating you and Leanne, he presented a MUCH better public face than you do.  He wrote a better email, he was more interesting, he was nicer to your (ex)wife, and I’m sure he never would’ve yelled at your kid’s coach.  As the child and sister of baseball/softball coaches, I can tell you that in my experience with people who yell at coaches...they’re almost all assholes.  They ruin the games for their kid, their spouse, the other kids, the coaches, and all of the other fans in the stands who have to listen to their garbage.  I’ve rarely been to a baseball game where there wasn’t at least one of those obnoxious parents in the stands.  I’ve often wished a heart attack on one of those red-faced screaming jerky parents.  They ruin the whole experience for everyone.  So, Tie, sit down and shut up.  Maybe go back to spending time with your charities, because if you don’t, your financial future is dim.  You’re not a very good commentator, your athletic career is done, so you’d better start behaving like a decent human being, because there’s no life off the ice for an enforcer.  No one wants to hire a bully.  You got paid very well for being one, but welcome to the real world - you don’t get to be paid millions of dollars for threatening people.  Those people, they end up in prison.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

evening

Marty McSorley is Magically Delicious (also known as the 2007 NHL Alumni All-Star Classic)

Yesterday, Leigh-Ann and I went to see the NHL Alumni All-Star Classic at The Orleans Arena.  It was generally full of players I’d never heard of, due to the fact that I’ve only been a hockey fan for a few seasons.  But, because I like hockey fights, I knew all about the infamous Marty McSorley.  I didn’t realize how young he is though - he’s only a year older than I am, so super super incredibly stupendously young.  Because he’d retired in 2000, I didn’t know what he looked like, as I’d only read articles about him and hadn’t seen pictures.  We stood in line to get autographs for our jersey, and it seemed to take forever for the players to come out of the dressing room; and not all of them did - I’m looking at you Pokey Reddick, Ron Elgaard (CFL Hall of Famer), and a couple of others who I don’t even know, so I guess didn’t really care that they didn’t bother to sign.  However, Alan Thicke wandered past the line (a small line or I wouldn’t have bothered) and because we were nice and didn’t bother him during his private time, our politeness was thrown in our polite faces because he didn’t bother to sit down at the signing table with everyone else.  I feel free now to let everyone know that Alan Thicke is a terrible hockey player.  He was also wearing the most incredible facial protection I have ever seen.  I hope Leigh-Ann got a picture of it.  I imagine that the movie/tv actor hockey leagues are full of players protecting their pretty faces and dental work, but I’d just never seen anything so, uh, thorough.  Anyway, Alan was outplayed by a 9 year old boy (Lance Maxwell) who was there representing youth hockey, whatever that means. (I think it means his family runs the event) Lance sat at the table signing jerseys, so Alan Thicke could’ve sat his butt down and done it too.  There were only about 30 of us in line.  The Maxwell boy seems like a nice kid and you could tell that he had a great time playing in the game.  The grownups were super nice to him during the game - he got to score a goal, and more importantly, get into a faux brawl with a man I assume is his father.  They have the same last name.  It was a cute father & son moment worthy of a LifeSaver or two.

I’ve digressed, haven’t I?  I started out by talking about Marty McSorley and ended up talking about a nice little boy.  I’m going to let you keep wondering about Marty for a bit.  The first guy who signed the jersey was Ian Turnbull.  He was really nice and we got to talk about how frustrating the Leafs are, and how Saturday night’s game was going to be a tough one.  (The Leafs, of course, won that really tough game against the Penguins, but choked against the Rangers on Sunday - so typical) Ian has the NHL record for most goals in a game by a defenseman - 5.  Next was Darren Banks , who might hold some sort of record like Most Teams Played For in a Short Period of Time.  He scored a lot in the alumni game.  He seemed nice.  The next guy was Jay White, a Neil Diamond impersonator who played goalie.  Between periods, he sang “Sweet Caroline” while skating around and still wearing his goalie equipment.  He’s pretty good, and he does indeed look and sound like Neil Diamond.  Most of the other guys were a blur for me, except for Clint Malarchuk, a goaltender most known for one of the most gruesome injuries sustained in a professional sports game.  His carotid artery was sliced by a skate.  (don’t click on that link if you’re not prepared) He was lucky that the team’s trainer had served as a medic in Vietnam, because very few people would’ve been able to handle something like that.  He was amazingly back playing a week later.  On Saturday, he was all spiffied up and wearing a really nice black cowboy hat.  He’s cute.

The game was very poorly attended, but we had a good time anyway.  Most of the guys can still skate like pros and we even saw some pretty good goals.  The Hanson Brothers were there and every so often popped into the game for some hijinks.  Sadly and embarrassingly, Leigh-Ann and I still haven’t seen the movie “Slapshot”, which is where they found their fame.  Plus, we didn’t even get their autograph for the jersey because while we were standing and waiting for the other guys to come out of the locker room, they were signing pictures and jerseys, so we assumed they’d stay when the other players came up.  We were wrong.  They were also selling $10 autographed pictures.  I just checked the price on their website and the pictures were a terrific deal, if we’d wanted one.  They charge $30 on their site.

...and now we return to Marty McSorley.  He’s cute.  He has a twinkly smile and it’s hard to imagine him beating the crap out of people.  I think it was a public service what he did to Donald Brashear.  Gah, can’t stand Brashear.  Marty also has a nice muscular upper body (probably lower body too, but he was sitting, so I couldn’t see it) and if I was straight, I certainly would’ve been imagining what it would’ve been like to touch it.  Oh, who am I kidding, even a gay chick can appreciate a great male body.  Yummy.

For more pictures from the game, check out Leigh-Ann’s Flickr account.