Flippy - I Rant, You Read

Sunday, March 11, 2007

the wee hours

Oh No, I’m Ten Days Late

I’ve been doing everything in my power to not get pregnant (overwhelming fatigue, extra layer of cellulite, not bathing every day, over 40, lesbianism…especially the last one) and I’ve never been this late in all of my menstruating years - I’m generally a 28 day-er.  Ugh, I’ve had PMS for like three weeks.  When will I have to count the weight gain as weight gain, instead of chalking it up to PMS water retention?  Is there some sort of cut-off point if I never get my period again?  While I’m worried in a puzzled sort of way, I would be perfectly happy to never have another period.  What a total waste of money, pain, and time it’s been lo these past 31 years.  That’s approximately 372 periods.  That’s probably close to $2000 wasted.  A whole lot more if you include Advil and the occasional Therma-Care (get the ones for your back, they last a lot longer) in with the “feminine products.”  I so resent that part of being female.  The women who thinks it’s a joyous part of being a woman and celebrate it every month are just plain crazy, or theirs lasts a single day and doesn’t include cramps or water retention.  Anyway, I just thought you’d be interested in this fascinating information - especially my father.  I kid.  But I wanted to post something and I’m too tired to do a post where I have to think.

I’ll let you know when the Christ child is born.  Again.  He’ll be Jewish, just like his birth mother, but we’ll raise him as a Pastafarian.  He will marry Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and together they will save the world.  And like have super cute babies.