Flippy - I Rant, You Read

Thursday, October 19, 2006

mid-afternoon

Idiot of the Day - Jeffrey Lundgren, Mass Murderer, Fat Guy

Oh, boo hoo, poor fat Jeffrey says he’s too obese to die by lethal injection.  He killed “Dennis and Cheryl Avery, and their three daughters, ages 7 to 13, on April 17, 1989” - they were part of his wacky religious cult and apparently they just weren’t devout enough for him, so he shot them all to death.

Moreover, Lundgren’s lawyer claims that he suffers from medical conditions that would interfere with the effectiveness of the lethal cocktail and exacerbate his suffering. I’m sorry, why is it that I care whether or not he suffers a little extra?  This isn’t one of those cases where there’s any doubt he’s guilty.  Hey, I know, how about we use his obesity in his favor and let him die by hanging.  His weight will be a big bonus and assure him of a quicker death.  Although, if I had my druthers, he’d be tortured.  Maybe a little Bush Administration approved interrogation technique gone awry.  Anyway, why waste time with this case?  Someone pull out a gun, pop him in one in the head, then we won’t have to worry about the poor poor suffering he might endure with his lethal injection.

Yes, I admit it, I’m one of those weird liberals who is in favor of the death penalty.  I’m not always in favor of it, I know that mistakes have been made, and I believe that some people with death sentences should be allowed to live; for instance, Karla Faye Tucker and Tookie Williams, but apparently no one ever follows “Flippy’s Common Sense Rules for the Death Penalty”.

the wee hours

From Our Adopted Genius Child In The Philippines

While other people adopt infants (see:  Madonna; Malawi), we decided to adopt an older child.  One in her twenties.  One who already showed incredible intellect and talent.  Why adopt a helpless infant, when you can adopt a potty-trained foreign child who has a larger vocabulary than yourself, and who is close to an age where she can support you in your senior years?  Like within the next five years.  Also, adopting a child who already has a mother is significantly easier on the bank account than a child who needs things, like food ‘n shelter ‘n stuff.  Then again, if we were raising her here, no one would’ve stolen the neighborhood phone cables and we wouldn’t have had trouble reaching her for weeks while the phone company hooked up the neighborhood service (and DSL - ack, she had no internet at home, tragic!)...and switched all the houses, so they were getting each other’s phone calls.  I think that should be a fairly simple color-coded thing.  In the US, we’re not very good at electing qualified politicians these days, but we have so mastered our colors.

Anyway, this was our latest email from Celine, our wonderchild: 
From: Celine Date: 10/18/06 10:27:26 To: Leigh-Ann (& Nancy) Subject: phone Hello Dearest Oddmother, My real phone number is back, but I’m seriously thinking of switching phone companies soon.  Will let you know when I get that sorted out. Also, I am the real Leanne Domi. With Love, Leanne Domi

I don’t know why we didn’t think to ask her in the first place.  An oversight on our part, clearly.