Saturday, January 29, 2005

late evening

I’m on hold until I come up with a $500 acronym

Idiots (of the Day) will have to behave themselves while I attempt to be creative.  Wish me luck!

early afternoon

Mandarin Oranges, I love them so

Oh, I love to eat them every…day and if you ask me why, I’ll say…cuz Dole Mandarin Oranges are the greatest love of all.  The great…est, love, of AAAALLLLL.  My apologies to Oscar Mayer and Whitney Houston.  Scratch that, just Oscar Mayer.  Whitney Houston makes me mad, what with pissing away her talent and staying with that loser of a wife-beating, drug-addicted husband of hers.

Oh yeah, the oranges.  They come in a new big ol’ bottle and I could eat the whole thing in one sitting.  But, I’m not a glutton (usually), so I stop myself.  Darned Vons site didn’t have the picture of my new beloved bottle of oranges, so I faked it.  They look like this.  Yum!

the wee hours

Idiot of the Day - Columnists PAID to Shill for Bush

This one was too easy.  A third columnist was discovered to have taken money from the Bush Administration for writing pretty words praising government programs.  Geezus, do their employers not pay them enough?  What the hell is wrong with them?  Didn’t taking the money make them feel icky inside, like calling in sick when you really aren’t.  Then again, right after you hang up that phone, the guilt washes off and you can have a nice day.  Perhaps the guilt washed off right after they cashed those Bush Whore Bux.

I don’t have a lot of readers.  I don’t have a lot of influence.  However, if someone would like to pay me to write some columns about crappy Bush programs that don’t work, well, I’m going to have to think long and hard about it…and take the cash.  I’ll write “Just kidding” or “Not!” at the end of each column though.  But I want the cash that Armstrong Williams got, $240,000.  Mike McManus should be so embarrassed by the measly 10k he got.  Even Maggie Gallagher got $21,500.  If I’m going to sell my soul, it better at least be enough payola for some desert landscaping in the front yard and some lawn for the pooches in the back.  Poor, poor, Mike McManus.  He has to call his mom and tell her that he sold out, for ten thousand bucks.  And Armstrong got almost a quarter of a mil.  Armstrong’s mom is bragging how important her son is and Mrs. McManus is watching the 700 Club and praying for a smarter boy.