Flippy - I Rant, You Read

Friday, November 12, 2010

early evening

This is a test of the emergency iPod system

I posted a blog entry yesterday from my iPod and it disappeared.  That’s crappy not only for NaBloPoMo reasons, but the fact that it took me so damned long to write.  I was writing about my lovely newfound insomnia and then I came back and it was gone.  Poopy!  Let’s try again.  Oh yeah, and I was promising to finish my half-written tales of many crappy realtors, one totally excellent one and a couple of ones who did their jobs.  I’m only going to name two names though, the best and the one who made promises, wasted our time and then ditched us.  I will quote her just to make sure I’m on firm legal ground.  That was so many months ago and I still can’t get over not only her deceitful
behavior, but her stupidity.  She knew the loan was already approved, yet she still ditched us, costing her an easy commission.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

evening

This is not a hoax!

This is a heads-up to those friends who haven’t experienced it yet ... ... and an explanation to those friends and family who have: Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It’s happening every day. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else’s thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years?  Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?  I spent the entire summer looking! for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than my original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion. It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair, and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary.  My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning.  In despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next?  My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That’s why I decided to tell my story. I can’t take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee.  That really isn’t plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don’t you?  The next time you suspect someone has had a face “lifted,” look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs… and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them! This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS. P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept.  Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

-swiped from a zillion places…but, completely true, of course.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

terribly early in the morning

WTH?  It’s 27 degrees here!

The overnight low at our house is lower than it is at Leigh-Ann’s sister’s in Ottawa.  C’mon, that’s ridiculous, it’s only the first week of November.  Not only that, the low temperature at our house is always 5-10 degrees lower than the “official” Pahrump temperature/forecasts.  Do we live in some weird special weather vortex here?  When our neighbors were comparing the weather here to NJ, where they moved from, I kind of thought they were crazy.  Now, I see their point.  Our dogs are shivering and Dante’s teeth were chattering last night.  We couldn’t figure out what the noise was, we thought he had gas or something at first, until we realized it was his teeth.  Dante is now spending his nights inside, and he isn’t complaining, like he usually does.  Poor old dude.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

terribly early in the morning

Damn you, herniations!

I’ve just discovered something I wasn’t overly sure about before.  This is the first time in more than four years that I’ve been off pain meds, and for the last few days I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep because of, I thought, Restless Leg Syndrome or just plain ol’ achy legs.  However, the pain has continued, but only in my left thigh.  It was like, DUH!, the left thigh was my original herniated disk pain spot.  It then spread down my left leg to my left calf, then left foot, then when it started moving to the right side, I got scared that I wouldn’t be able to drive if it affected my right foot, so that’s when we stopped trying therapy, steroids, and pain meds and decided that surgery was needed.  Now, I don’t have insurance, so surgery is out.  Not that I want surgery again - it was completely unenjoyable.  But, crap, no more herniations.  I already knew that besides the big bulge in the disk that was fixed, I had one other disk that was starting to go.  However, since the location is different, I assume the pain would affect other areas, rather than completing ye olde L4-5 pain checklist.  I could be wrong.  I’ll go look it up after I post this.  If I come up with anything interesting, I’ll let you “herniated disk” keyword people know.  I know other people don’t really care, but I have met some really great people who found my blog because of my herniated disk posts.  Hiya, Maegan!  And dude in Australia, and other guy somewhere else.  Okay, so I’ve only kept in touch with Maegan, but one good friend is worth annoying a bunch of other people with blog entries they don’t care to read.  Plus, it’s my blog and all that.  And, it’s NaBloPoMo, and I have to write something every day.  Considering my life isn’t currently filled with fun activities and such, you get what you get.

Just a short little aside - did you guys know that Jet magazine is like Jet pamphlet now?  We got a free subscription (hey, we’re interested in lots of stuff), and we were shocked to get the “magazine” and see how tiny and how few pages it has now.  It’s like the “Airplane” reading material about famous Jewish athletes, although honestly, that would be much larger than the new Jet mag.  It looks like one of those freebie tv guides you get at a convenience store.  Next you’ll tell me that BET doesn’t exist anymore…or all they show are Tyler Perry movies.  By the way, if anyone Black is reading this, could you tell me why those Tyler Perry movies make so much money?  They mostly look the same, like Eddie Murphy dressing up in drag as a fat lady all the time…only it’s Tyler Perry and 2010, not Eddie and 1985.

Monday, November 08, 2010

the wee hours

Stats!

You people sure like your train wrecks (hmm, one word or two?) doncha?  My stats have soared since, well, since very very recently.  Hmmmm.  Although, there is one thing I can’t figure out, what’s with all the traffic from Ireland?  I only have one Irish friend, and unless she’s going from city to city, stopping in to see my blog in every city in the country, I can’t figure out where the Irish are coming from.  Anyone have any ideas?  One of my biggest keywords is still Mariana Bichette (why???), for a couple of entries years ago, when her son was playing in the Little League World Series.  Maybe I should look him up, perhaps he’s graduating from high school now and is some super amazing baseball player wanted by every college/pro team in existence.  I’m off to check it out.  But, other than the Irish (from IREland, not some screen name) and the Bichette traffic, everyone else seems present and accounted for - links from my Facebook account, type-ins of flippyodegard (hey, just put the dot com in and you don’t need a search engine, ya know), bookmarks, links on blogs, etc.

Update:  Aha, I now know why I have all the Mariana Bichette traffic.  I’m both #1 and #2 for her name and #1 in Google Images because of the screencap from the LLWS.  Also, Dante Bichette, Jr.is still a really good ballplayer and was in the national high school home run hitting contest.  So, who knows, maybe he’ll be a major leaguer like his dad.  Oh, as for the traffic from Ireland, Leigh-Ann thinks it’s just maybe a new batch of spammers.  They rotate countries, so why not Ireland?